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One of the toughest parts of being an IT writer is deciphering the press releases that vendors send out to pitch their latest products, services and partner programs.

Some are well written, informative and easily understandable. But a lot are heavy on what the Wall Street Journal recently labeled “gobbledygook“: buzzwords, run-on sentences and phrases that no human being would ever utter during the course of normal conversation.

These kinds of press releases may be OK for highly technical audiences, but a lot of times they’re confusing for the end users that channel partners deal with every day. In that spirit, here’s a sampling of some of the week’s worst offenders:

More Than 1000 Customers Select RSA Envision Platform for Business Acceleration, Feb. 12: “Given the modularity and scalability of the RSA enVision solution, the customer base ranges from large global organizations that need to manage security and compliance in complex, global IT environments, to small businesses that value the simple deployment and out-of- the box reporting capabilities.”

Red Hat
JBoss Unveils Technology Futures with New Community Projects, Feb. 14: “These projects offer sophisticated capabilities that enterprises can readily leverage to advance open source middleware into their organizations.”

Kaseya Empowers MSP Customer Success with New Managed Service Resource Program (MSRP), Feb. 12: “Part of the “Marketing Toolkit” element of Kaseya’s emPower Program, a comprehensive set of service offerings and support resources designed to ensure successful implementation of Kaseya’s IT Automation Framework, the company developed the MSRP as a result of its ongoing efforts to “empower” its customers to exceed expectations and effectively transition their business to the managed services model.”

Cisco Fuels Commitment to Small and Medium-Sized Businesses in Asia Pacific with Special Solution Bundles, Feb. 12: “The collaborative platform uses Web 2.0 technology to facilitate dynamic interaction between customers and partners. … The system thus provides an efficient method of communicating with customers and employees to help improve service and increase business agility.”

Bell Micro
Bell Micro teams with Hitachi for SMB storage solutions, Feb. 7: “Hitachi’s SMS 100 is an entry-level storage system designed to fulfill the requirements of SMBs with burgeoning data growth and data protection requirements and enterprises with distributed branch offices looking for simple-to-manage storage offerings that are easy to integrate with the Microsoft Windows platform.”

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